The typical in every book, fantasy in particular, is that it follows a certain pattern. In there, there's a hero and a villain like 99% of the time. A good character winning over the bad.

Thanks to my Asperger, I can break down pretty much anything in the world to logical patterns if I study it detailed enough. In my work of making my characters better I fell in to a bit of a new special-interest and read about human behaviour, both good and bad. I read about different religions, myths in the world, cultures and so on. Then, I went to the stuff that is considered bad: the dark side of man. How serial-killers reasons and feel.

When I watched the documentary with Jeffrey Dahmer, I looked away from his actions. I have the ability to shut off and turn on my feelings the way I want and when I watched the documentary I turned off. I focused on his emotions, motives and perspective.

Earlier I saw the world as black and white and I often reason that way in my own choices in life. But everyone isn't like me and the world isn't as easy like in the world of books. In the real world there are no decided heroes or enemies. Everything depends on what kind of perspective you have.

If I would have a villain in Stolen, it would be Caleston. I have watched videos with advice on how to make a good villain. But I have kept myself away from that on purpose, because Caleston isn't written to be a villain, but a complex antagonist. Caleston isn't written to be a good villain. In the end of the text on the back of the book, it says: who's the villain and who's the hero?

That's exactly the feeling I want to portray. Who's who, it's up to the reader to decide.

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I have spent the majority of my day working on my Achilles' heel when it comes to my script. The part that has gotten critic is my characters. What motivates them, the personalities, strengths and weaknesses, intentions and so on. It's no wonder I have problems with it, considering my Asperger. But I'm stubborn as hell and not the type of person that settles with a situation that I'm not happy with, but can do something about. Therefore, I have been looking for documentaries on YouTube about human behaviour and how to set an emotion in a scene. How to, for example, write a good death-scene, how to make your viewers/readers cry, a good antagonist, etc.

I love reading about other cultures to learn as much as I can about human behaviour. Today I'm exploring other parts of it. Among it is a documentary about a serial-killer named Jeffrey Dahmer. But I didn't focus on what I heard, but more how his mind worked: how he was thinking, in what way his style of murder reflected in what he felt and how he thought. Right now I'm watching a very interesting documentary that is 1½ hour long. Experts are breaking down our body-languages to something logical and explain their way of functioning. Body-language is one of the most difficult things about having Asperger, that the understanding of it don't come automatically. I love learning things, study something I don't know that well into the smallest detail until I can see a pattern and do a mental, logical map over that subject. Like, how the story repeats itself when it comes to power and how we handle it.

There's a quote in Harry Potter that I love: If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.

So many people in this world abuse their power to dominate others. Why? Many times it is because they can. There's another quote that fits with that, this time from Spider-Man: With great power comes great responsibility.

That is one of the things that disgusts me about racism, animal torture and all kinds of bullying and abuse of a position in society: to use it for bad instead of good. The best people in this world are the ones to have the power to do something bad, but chooses not to: like having a persons life in your hands, but spare him/her.

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Mistakes are the best thing we can experience. It's what makes us who we are. Making mistakes is to find out what road you want to take in life. Mistakes in other people's eyes could be the exact same thing that leads you to the path you want to be.

No, it wasn't a mistakes to try the project that seems to fail. In another person's POV it might seem like a waste of time, since the goal won't be fulfilled. But who is it that decide what success is? I've grown as a person and learned alot about both others and myself. But maybe it's the series that will be my thing? Maybe the story about the descendents of Light and Dark is what will make me progress in life?

I'm always told that I shouldn't expect so much, but take things for what they will be. Yeah, you might think so. But I can't afford to think like that. I have to hope, I have to have the desire to succeed. I have to expect the worst, because then I'll either be pleasantly surprised or have been correct all along. If I had an income, if I had possibilites, I could think like that. Take the day as it comes, carpe diem and yadda yadda. But I can't in my currect situation. I have to have the thoughts on tomorrow to be able to go forward. I'm living on social welfare and don't have enough money. My parents are still paying alot for me: medication, clothes, my cats... I will be 27 years old this March and I have a life similar to those who just moved away from home. For other people, education, a job and your own family, isn't that big of a deal. For me, it's what it means to be successful: to actually be able to accomplish something.

I won't be able to feel successful until I know that my life will lead somewhere.

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