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© 2018-2020 by Kajsa Artifex

Personal Songs

 

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me

I remembered each flash, as time began to blur

Like a startling sign, that fate had finally found me

and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong

to wash this memory clean

Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes

Give me reason to fill this hole

connect the space between

Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies

across this new divide

There was nothing in sight, but memories left abandoned

There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow

And the ground caved in, between where we were standing

In every loss, in every lie

In every truth that you'd deny

and each regret, and each goodbye

was a mistake too great to hide

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

A secret I've kept locked away,

No one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head,

For years and years, they've played

 

If I could change, I would

take back the pain, I would

retrace every wrong move that I made,

I would

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

Is so much simpler than change

 

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes, but it's only me, and I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

 

My shallow heart’s the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

Till then I walk alone

 

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border, line of the edge

And where I walk alone

Read between the lines

What's fucked up and every thing's all right

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive

And I walk alone

If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care?

If my time was up I'd wanna know,

you were happy I was there

If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anyone lose sleep?

If I wasn't hard and hollow,

then maybe you would miss me

If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care?

Still stuck inside this sorrow,

I've got nothing and going nowhere

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone,

someone that I'd like better

What if I just pulled myself together,

would it matter at all?

What if I just tried not to remember,

would it matter at all?

All the chances that have passed me by

would it matter if I gave it one more try?

Would it matter at all?

 

Stop the world from spinning around

Feels like the sky is falling down

Can't breathe in, I can't breathe out

I'm afraid that I might drown

Can't stay afloat, I'm just

 

a skipping stone, an echo on the water

I'm letting go, surrender to the bottom

Another rising tide, another storm to fight

 

Is this just a wicked game?

Will it wash with the next rain?

Can't give in, I can't give up

I'm trying hard, it's not enough

Throw myself into the unknown

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