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© 2018-2020 by Kajsa Artifex

Brutal Revolution

The time disappears in an empty void. Forward, backwards, to the sides, up and down. The life and existence vanishes like water between my fingers. My soul echoes hollow, there's nothing inside me. All feelings are missing, I'm a living dead.


The only thing left, is my heart of steel under torture. The scolding surface sets me on fire and threaten to explode like a volcano.


The roots that held me in the now, that stopped my life from turning to an existence, are torn from the Earth. Everything is behind a veil of thick fog. I know there is love, warmth and happiness behind it. But I can't see it.


I have to hold on. Breathe and continue fighting, continue to move forward. I know in my mind that it has been like this so many times before, and I'm still here in this world.


You'd think it'll get easier each time, but it doesn't. With every episode I feel more and more worn out. I'm 27 years old, but I don't just feel like an old soul, but an antique. My soul began existing long before my body did. It still feels as if I got into a sort of coma when I was 18 and I've now awoken from it, only to realize that I've lost nearly 10 years of my life. How can I feel younger than 27 while a part of me also feel like I should be dead?


I'm trying to hold on to what's light, fighting to keep my grasp on what's bliss. But at moments like these it turns to mist that disappears from me, flowing through my fingers to be part of the air so I no longer can see it.


Breathe. I have to breathe and try to stay. But how can I fight to stay, while reality is too painful?

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