I realize I've been in a coma.

Since I got Abilify 8 years ago, I haven't been able to perceive the world as I'm supposed to. Now that the medication is gone, I realize how unaware I've been to events around me.

I realize now that my life came to a stop when I got Abilify and it hasn't been moving until now. I've been in a coma during all these years and now I have awoken and realized that almost an entire decade have gone by without noticing. Is that why my head is filled with chaos? Because this is how it is:

1) I feel like an old soul, that the body and soul don't belong together and therefore I feel older than my 27 years.

2) In my head I stayed at 18 when I got Abilify. It's a strange feeling to realize that I'm suddenly 27 years old, when I was 18 the last time I was awake.

3) At the same time during all this, I've been growing so much as a person these years and I'm more mature in my mind than 27 years.

All this at the same time ... it feels like a sort of a crisis of age. How am I going to fix this? How am I able to get rid of the feeling that I've lost almost 10 years of my life?

© 2018-2020 by Kajsa Artifex
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