I feel like a woman

Things are great right now :) even though there's a lot of annoying things happening as well; cats being sick, a heatwave that's killing me, an eye-infection, a pain-in-the-ass bleeding since a procedure over a month ago that won't go away...

But on the bright side; my book is coming along very nicely, my cats are beginning to feel better, I'm losing weight and evolving as a person.


Since saying goodbye to the monster and decide to live for today, not for tomorrow, things have started to happen so quickly. Instead of keep arguing with random strangers on the Internet over a difference of opinions, I answer with sarcasm once and then I leave. I'm really starting to feel like I'm using my second chance.


When I quit Abilify, I first felt like I had lost almost ten years of my life from being comatose. But I feel like I'm catching up and faster than I imagined (guess I can thank my overactive brain for that one) :D I no longer feel like my life is rushing ahead of me. Life is too short to be spent on people that drain energy and waste your time. Instead of groveling when someone decides to stop being your friend, you leave it behind: if they don't want my friendship, then I'm not going to be the one begging. I am loyal and protective of those I care about and love, but it's also very difficult to earn that from me.


I have very few demands when it comes to relationships, both friends and others. But there are four things I DON'T tolerate and that hurts me deeply.


1) Lies

Also includes avoiding telling the whole story of things, twisting words and basically any kind of dishonesty. People would be surprised by how much I can handle if they are only honest and up-front about it.


2) Loyalty

Just like I'm honest, up-front and sometimes very blunt, I'm also very loyal. Even if I stop being friends with someone I still won't tell secrets they've shared with me. I protect my friends, relatives, family, my cats, with teeth and claws. I used to expect the same from others, but now I've come to realize that there are few people out there as loyal as I am.


3) Try and control me

I've always felt claustrophobic in this body and in my mind. Now that I've gotten strong enough to stand up for myself and not only accepting who I am but actually love myself, I have no tolerance for people trying to control me and the choices I make in life. I grew up feeling like my life and my head was a prison and a torture chamber. After everything that has happened, I have been given a second chance. I'm not going to waste that by living my life based on other people's opinions.


4) Taking me for granted

This one is basically self-explanatory.


After losing weight, starting to stand up for myself and getting answers to why I feel like the body I'm using isn't mine and that my soul is disconnected from it, I feel like a new person. A stronger person.


I don't feel like the insecure, depressed, lost and afraid girl anymore. My life has gone from having some rare good days to actually having them most of the time. I have both feet on the ground and I see the road ahead of me going for miles and miles.


And it's not only that, but it has had an effect on my feelings towards my time in elementary school too. I feel like the control it had over me is fading away. I don't think of them as often as I did before and I have let it go. I'm free.


I'm a free woman.

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