On March the 15th, it was my 27th birthday. I always feel so depressed on my birthdays, since it feels like another year has passed without any changes. But, this year, right before I went to sleep, I came to crossroad.
I had been at work from 8.30 AM to 3.30 PM. Both of my lovely cats became overjoyed when I returned home and Zorro almost crawled in to me when I went to bed. I had missed them so much and it was about hours. I then asked myself: am I willing to give this up?
If my book were to be published, I would be forced to travel all over the country to market it. I would be away from my cats for days, not hours. I would miss out on the experience to be around my niece during her first years in life. I would be forced to stay away from home a lot and not be at work with my wonderful friends there.
I then realized, that it is like with friends: it's not the numbers that's important, but the quality. In that very second, my anxiety of addition vanished.
I have just started living after Abilify and I love my life today. Why rush to moving on? What's the point of living for tomorrow if you can't enjoy today? If you run through life to do as much as possible, you won't have time to stay in the present and love the little things in life, like cuddling with Zorro in bed before sleep.
If you want to change things, that's exactly what happens: it changes and you can't control how. If I gain one thing in life, I will probably lose another thing that I love today. To be published is my dream, but losing time with what's really important: my cats, family and friends, my niece... am I prepared to give that up?
The answer became simple: no.