Chapter 11, the middle to end of scene 2
There's not enough energy left to be scared. I know that he holds all the power. He can do exactly what he wants, kill me in any way he wish. And yet, I remain indifferent.
“There are things in the universe that we are not meant to understand, but I don’t believe in God as a physical being. Everything connected to faith is unique within all of us. I don’t expect answers from anyone else if I pray to higher powers, because it’s already inside me. I just have to find a way to understand.”
The dismay of the Keeper has calmed down. Instead he is now listening attentively. I have never really given that much thought about the big questions of life, but have only focused on survival. In this cell there’s been no other company than my thoughts. Everything came by itself since the risk of me dying here is greater than I first wanted to admit. If I am to meet my death, I will do it after trying to care for something bigger than my life.
“I don't need anything to be visual for it to be real”, I continue, not really sure if I say it out loud or in my head. “A lot of people will only admit an existence if they can see it. The magic wasn’t real for you until you saw it. Yet it has always been here. The higher forces was created because many of you felt that there was something more, and needed a name for it to become truth. We are all dependent on maintaining control when in chaos ... like in wars.”
For a few seconds, he observes me with no expression before crawling closer. I want to back away, but the body won’t respond. He puts his hand on mine and says something that I already understood several years ago.
“You won't survive if you give up on hope.”
I have been struggling since I was eight years old and was found in the snow. Every day have been a wasted opportunity for a better life, but only led to more pain and disappointment. I can't take it anymore ... all these years of fighting against both the world and myself ... I'm exhausted.
“It doesn’t matter ... it’s already too late”, I mumble so low that the Keeper have to lean in closer to hear.
The person I was when I came here is gone.
“Life is too valuable to just throw away.” He stands up and puts on his mask and hood. “Choose your battles. To die in this place shouldn’t even be an option.”
He cuffs me with the bracelets before leaving the cell.